Genesis 2:7, 18-24; Ephesians 5:1-2, 22-33; St Mark 10:1-9
In the Name + of JESUS. Amen.
No matter how big or how small, how extravagant or how intimate, weddings are a positive and beautiful thing. The colorful flowers, the excellent hymnody, the nice clothing. The bride is pretty. The groom is handsome. The maid of honor looks lovely. The groomsmen look, well, presentable. Everything about the wedding looks good. And of course, being gathered here for this purpose, in the sight of God and before His Church, to witness and celebrate the union of this man and this woman, we honor and extol marriage as a divine institution. Therefore it should be beautiful and lovely and excellent. Indeed, we are exhorted in Holy Scripture to think about such things (Phil 4:8).
But then, there’s one part of the marriage liturgy that is the fly in the craft beer of all beauty, that one phrase that won’t let us drift into fairy-tale la-la land with its happily ever afters. Its there in the vows. The bridegroom and bride repeat the words: “for better for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish” And then, to top it all off, the kicker: “till death us do part.”
Groan. Why do we have to mention death at a marriage ceremony at all? Never mind that (some of) the beautiful flowers for this day were reused from a funeral on Thursday. Or that in our hymnal the funeral liturgy does follow immediately after the marriage liturgy. I don’t think that’s meant to be a commentary on marriage in our culture today, but still.
When you say, “till death us do part,” its a reminder, firstly, that contrary to popular opinion, marriage isn’t forever. It is for your whole life in this world. And I stress whole life. That’s why Jesus speaks of divorce in such harsh terms. Moses, not God, allowed it on account of man’s sinfulness. But it wasn’t meant to be.
So please don’t misunderstand me, the life-long, monogamous union of one man and one woman in holy matrimony is a beautiful and glorious gift to be celebrated and cherished. But it isn’t forever. We aren’t Mormons. Jesus made it quite clear that there is no marriage in the life of the world to come. I know it may sound like heresy to point this out on a wedding day, but there is some perspective in this - and I think Zach and Julia get this - that we don’t make an idol out of God’s good gift of marriage and family.
“Till death us do part,” is also important because it speaks honestly about who you are marrying. Only sinners die. I know you both recognize that while the two of you may be perfect for each other, neither of you is perfect. Julia, you already know this, but you are marrying a sinner. Zach, your bride likewise needs forgiveness.
The parting of death creeps backwards into marriage. In little fights and unkind words. In selfishness and impatience and withholding forgiveness. Whatever threatens the unity and the beauty and the life that God has given in marriage, these things, as God said, are not good. And even they - the natural inclinations of the fleshly heart - shall not separate what God has joined together.
There is, though, actually something good about the phrase, “till death us do part.” A “Gospel-handle,” if you will on this reminder of the effects of the Law. For especially here in the Church, with the Edenic echo of the protoevangelium it calls to mind another death that changes everything.
If it is true that by the means of death we are parted, it is also true that by means of Christ’s death we are rejoined and raised up in Him who is the Church’s Groom, never to be separated from His side.
Jesus’ side was opened for you on the Cross. He who is the New Adam has taken the mortal curse of the Old Adam and made it into a source of immortal blessing for you. Jesus was put into the deep sleep of death so that the New Eve, the Church, might be given life. The water and blood that poured forth from His spear-pierced side are what enlivens and sanctifies her, so that she is truly without spot or wrinkle, holy and without blemish.
And so you are holy and without blemish in Him, for that scarlet water flowed over you in Holy Baptism, and your robes were made white in the Blood of the Lamb, like a white wedding gown. The holy Blood continues to flow from the chalice for you in the Sacrament of the Altar. The Blood of Jesus, God’s Son, cleanses us from all sin.
Only sinners die. And that’s why Jesus died. He who knew no sin became sin for us that in Him we might become the righteousness of God (2 Cor 5:21).
Now there is a husbandly action if there ever was one. Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church. I have often said that being married is like being crucified. There it is. Jesus made His Bride’s sin His own, covered it, and took it away from her by His sacrifice. There’s the love of the True Groom that makes her beautiful, that she may share in His bodily resurrection and life. We are members of His Body; taken from His side, presented to Him in radiance and splendor, of whom He says, You are bone of My bone and flesh of My flesh; you shall be called Christian, for you were taken out of Christ.
This is a great mystery, St Paul says. This is what the marriage of a man and a woman - and only a man and a woman - is: the image and picture of the Man Christ and His elect Lady, the Church.
And beginning today, you two are given to walk in this truth by faith as husband and wife.
Zach, you have a holy radiant bride. Even in those time when you can’t see it, believe it. Always look at her that way, for that is what she is in Christ. Treat her in that way for Jesus’ sake.
Julia, you have a holy, Christ-like husband. Even in those times when you can’t see it, believe it. Always look to him that way, for that is what he is in Christ. Treat him that way for Jesus’ sake.
Or to borrow an oft used metaphor: Julia, look to Zach to lead the dance of your marriage, even if you think at times that you know the steps better than he does. And Zach, lead the dance, even when she doesn’t seem particularly eager to follow your lead. For you are ever in the role of Christ, drawing His Bride to Himself. Jesus didn’t stop with us at the baptismal font, but continuously calls us to Himself by His Word and Spirit. So also your days of wooing and drawing her to yourself have only just begun.
Perhaps above all else, the best way that you will image Christ and the Church in your marriage is by extending forgiveness to one another when you fail and fall short. As St Paul wrote earlier to the Ephesians, Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you (Eph 4:32). Or to the Colossians, Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other (3:12-13). Or from the reading today, Be imitators of God, as beloved children. The deeper beauty of Christian marriage is made known only with the Cross in view, as the husband lays down his life for his bride, and the bride lives her life for him.
The forgiveness of Christ, the self-giving of His Holy Cross, is where we find the greatest beauty today. So that not even the mention of death dampens our joy, for it points us to Jesus and His lovingkindness. It directs us to His self-sacrifice as our Holy Groom. This is real love.
God is love. And Jesus is faithful. He will never leave you or forsake you. He is there for you in sickness and in health, for better, for worse, to love and to cherish, even beyond the parting of death to the resurrection of the body. There, in the new creation we shall delight in His presence. There He shall dwell with us and we shall be His people, His Church, the New Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a Bride adorned for her husband.
And so, despite what I said earlier, you two will, of course be together forever, not as husband and wife, but in eternity as the people of God in the presence of Christ Jesus your Lord.
For this is my great joy today, to pronounce you husband and wife in the Lord’s holy Name. But even this is only a secondary joy to the great joy I’ve been privileged to have in catechizing you both; in receiving you through the Rite of Confirmation or Reaffirmation of Faith into communicant fellowship with us here at St Peter’s. The profound joy of administering to you Christ’s Holy Sacraments: His Body and Blood given and shed for the forgiveness of your sins. To place my hand on each of your heads and forgive you in His stead and by His command. Your family here at St Peter’s had rejoiced with you in all of these gifts along the way. We will continue to rejoice with you in this blessed union.
For this is the twofold gift you are receiving today. Not only are you being granted a husband or wife; you are being given a spouse who confesses the Christian faith together with you in doctrine and practice. And what a gift that is! This is what I teach my own children as of first importance in looking for a spouse.
Always remember that the person sitting next to you, to whom you have just solemnly committed yourself, is an elect one of God in Holy Baptism, declared righteous and beautiful in His sight. Always see one another as God sees you: one redeemed by Christ the crucified, one who is a forgiven and beloved child of your heavenly Father. This reality grounds all your prayer and devotion together as a couple and family from and to this holy Altar and Pulpit. Don’t let the world lure you away from the goodness and truth and beauty of the Gospel that is the heart of your lives. Christ is everything for you and you are everything to Him.
So Zach, we are happy for you. For it is not good that man should be alone. Today our Lord has returned to you your rib. And Julia, we give thanks with you, for today our Lord has given you a new home, where you belong and are loved unconditionally. May the Lord richly bless your marriage and the new home you are establishing in His name.
In the Name of the Father and + of the Son and of the Holy Spirit. Amen.
In the Name + of JESUS. Amen.
No matter how big or how small, how extravagant or how intimate, weddings are a positive and beautiful thing. The colorful flowers, the excellent hymnody, the nice clothing. The bride is pretty. The groom is handsome. The maid of honor looks lovely. The groomsmen look, well, presentable. Everything about the wedding looks good. And of course, being gathered here for this purpose, in the sight of God and before His Church, to witness and celebrate the union of this man and this woman, we honor and extol marriage as a divine institution. Therefore it should be beautiful and lovely and excellent. Indeed, we are exhorted in Holy Scripture to think about such things (Phil 4:8).
But then, there’s one part of the marriage liturgy that is the fly in the craft beer of all beauty, that one phrase that won’t let us drift into fairy-tale la-la land with its happily ever afters. Its there in the vows. The bridegroom and bride repeat the words: “for better for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish” And then, to top it all off, the kicker: “till death us do part.”
Groan. Why do we have to mention death at a marriage ceremony at all? Never mind that (some of) the beautiful flowers for this day were reused from a funeral on Thursday. Or that in our hymnal the funeral liturgy does follow immediately after the marriage liturgy. I don’t think that’s meant to be a commentary on marriage in our culture today, but still.
When you say, “till death us do part,” its a reminder, firstly, that contrary to popular opinion, marriage isn’t forever. It is for your whole life in this world. And I stress whole life. That’s why Jesus speaks of divorce in such harsh terms. Moses, not God, allowed it on account of man’s sinfulness. But it wasn’t meant to be.
So please don’t misunderstand me, the life-long, monogamous union of one man and one woman in holy matrimony is a beautiful and glorious gift to be celebrated and cherished. But it isn’t forever. We aren’t Mormons. Jesus made it quite clear that there is no marriage in the life of the world to come. I know it may sound like heresy to point this out on a wedding day, but there is some perspective in this - and I think Zach and Julia get this - that we don’t make an idol out of God’s good gift of marriage and family.
“Till death us do part,” is also important because it speaks honestly about who you are marrying. Only sinners die. I know you both recognize that while the two of you may be perfect for each other, neither of you is perfect. Julia, you already know this, but you are marrying a sinner. Zach, your bride likewise needs forgiveness.
The parting of death creeps backwards into marriage. In little fights and unkind words. In selfishness and impatience and withholding forgiveness. Whatever threatens the unity and the beauty and the life that God has given in marriage, these things, as God said, are not good. And even they - the natural inclinations of the fleshly heart - shall not separate what God has joined together.
There is, though, actually something good about the phrase, “till death us do part.” A “Gospel-handle,” if you will on this reminder of the effects of the Law. For especially here in the Church, with the Edenic echo of the protoevangelium it calls to mind another death that changes everything.
If it is true that by the means of death we are parted, it is also true that by means of Christ’s death we are rejoined and raised up in Him who is the Church’s Groom, never to be separated from His side.
Jesus’ side was opened for you on the Cross. He who is the New Adam has taken the mortal curse of the Old Adam and made it into a source of immortal blessing for you. Jesus was put into the deep sleep of death so that the New Eve, the Church, might be given life. The water and blood that poured forth from His spear-pierced side are what enlivens and sanctifies her, so that she is truly without spot or wrinkle, holy and without blemish.
And so you are holy and without blemish in Him, for that scarlet water flowed over you in Holy Baptism, and your robes were made white in the Blood of the Lamb, like a white wedding gown. The holy Blood continues to flow from the chalice for you in the Sacrament of the Altar. The Blood of Jesus, God’s Son, cleanses us from all sin.
Only sinners die. And that’s why Jesus died. He who knew no sin became sin for us that in Him we might become the righteousness of God (2 Cor 5:21).
Now there is a husbandly action if there ever was one. Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church. I have often said that being married is like being crucified. There it is. Jesus made His Bride’s sin His own, covered it, and took it away from her by His sacrifice. There’s the love of the True Groom that makes her beautiful, that she may share in His bodily resurrection and life. We are members of His Body; taken from His side, presented to Him in radiance and splendor, of whom He says, You are bone of My bone and flesh of My flesh; you shall be called Christian, for you were taken out of Christ.
This is a great mystery, St Paul says. This is what the marriage of a man and a woman - and only a man and a woman - is: the image and picture of the Man Christ and His elect Lady, the Church.
And beginning today, you two are given to walk in this truth by faith as husband and wife.
Zach, you have a holy radiant bride. Even in those time when you can’t see it, believe it. Always look at her that way, for that is what she is in Christ. Treat her in that way for Jesus’ sake.
Julia, you have a holy, Christ-like husband. Even in those times when you can’t see it, believe it. Always look to him that way, for that is what he is in Christ. Treat him that way for Jesus’ sake.
Or to borrow an oft used metaphor: Julia, look to Zach to lead the dance of your marriage, even if you think at times that you know the steps better than he does. And Zach, lead the dance, even when she doesn’t seem particularly eager to follow your lead. For you are ever in the role of Christ, drawing His Bride to Himself. Jesus didn’t stop with us at the baptismal font, but continuously calls us to Himself by His Word and Spirit. So also your days of wooing and drawing her to yourself have only just begun.
Perhaps above all else, the best way that you will image Christ and the Church in your marriage is by extending forgiveness to one another when you fail and fall short. As St Paul wrote earlier to the Ephesians, Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you (Eph 4:32). Or to the Colossians, Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other (3:12-13). Or from the reading today, Be imitators of God, as beloved children. The deeper beauty of Christian marriage is made known only with the Cross in view, as the husband lays down his life for his bride, and the bride lives her life for him.
The forgiveness of Christ, the self-giving of His Holy Cross, is where we find the greatest beauty today. So that not even the mention of death dampens our joy, for it points us to Jesus and His lovingkindness. It directs us to His self-sacrifice as our Holy Groom. This is real love.
God is love. And Jesus is faithful. He will never leave you or forsake you. He is there for you in sickness and in health, for better, for worse, to love and to cherish, even beyond the parting of death to the resurrection of the body. There, in the new creation we shall delight in His presence. There He shall dwell with us and we shall be His people, His Church, the New Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a Bride adorned for her husband.
And so, despite what I said earlier, you two will, of course be together forever, not as husband and wife, but in eternity as the people of God in the presence of Christ Jesus your Lord.
For this is my great joy today, to pronounce you husband and wife in the Lord’s holy Name. But even this is only a secondary joy to the great joy I’ve been privileged to have in catechizing you both; in receiving you through the Rite of Confirmation or Reaffirmation of Faith into communicant fellowship with us here at St Peter’s. The profound joy of administering to you Christ’s Holy Sacraments: His Body and Blood given and shed for the forgiveness of your sins. To place my hand on each of your heads and forgive you in His stead and by His command. Your family here at St Peter’s had rejoiced with you in all of these gifts along the way. We will continue to rejoice with you in this blessed union.
For this is the twofold gift you are receiving today. Not only are you being granted a husband or wife; you are being given a spouse who confesses the Christian faith together with you in doctrine and practice. And what a gift that is! This is what I teach my own children as of first importance in looking for a spouse.
Always remember that the person sitting next to you, to whom you have just solemnly committed yourself, is an elect one of God in Holy Baptism, declared righteous and beautiful in His sight. Always see one another as God sees you: one redeemed by Christ the crucified, one who is a forgiven and beloved child of your heavenly Father. This reality grounds all your prayer and devotion together as a couple and family from and to this holy Altar and Pulpit. Don’t let the world lure you away from the goodness and truth and beauty of the Gospel that is the heart of your lives. Christ is everything for you and you are everything to Him.
So Zach, we are happy for you. For it is not good that man should be alone. Today our Lord has returned to you your rib. And Julia, we give thanks with you, for today our Lord has given you a new home, where you belong and are loved unconditionally. May the Lord richly bless your marriage and the new home you are establishing in His name.
In the Name of the Father and + of the Son and of the Holy Spirit. Amen.
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